Tag Archives: humor

Good Games Buried Deep #5 – Defend the Dam

I almost skipped over this one, but I’m sure glad I didn’t. Defend the Dam (by Dragon Army) is a fun and creative take on the lane defense genre of games.

Defend the Dam Title Screen

Would there be a water shortage in California if the beavers were in charge?  I think not.

Quick description:

Defend your dam from all sorts of angry critters by building turrets… on a rotatable tank tread!  Choose wisely to survive wave after wave of creative enemies.  Comes with all the standard goodies of a tower/lane defense game (different turret types, upgrades, beaten levels can be replayed at a higher difficulty, etc.)

Why this game is worth playing:

The design.  This is by no means just a vertical version of Plants vs. Zombies.  Both the gameplay and the strategy here are completely different, all thanks to the moveable conveyor belt of weaponry and enemies specifically designed around this mechanic.  This combination makes for some very interesting strategic choices and, most importantly, a very fun game.

Let’s say you build a flamethrower turret.  This is great–just like in real life–for torching small to medium-sized forest creatures.  But for the bunnies with the plasma pistols… it’s not so great.  In fact, it doesn’t work at all.  This is because the bunnies stand just outside the range of the flames, mocking your choice of turret as they pelt you with little purple bolts of light.  You, however, get the last laugh when you spin your tank tread around and whip out a cannon.  Bunnies–just like in real life–are weak to cannons.

But wait!  Since you moved the position of all your turrets, a lowly pellet gun is now firing at a shielded mouse!  Arrrggh, you really need the crossbow that fires armor-piercing arrows.  But if you move the tread back around, not only will the bunny with the plasma pistol laugh at you again, that fox with the pitchfork is going to poke a hole in your dam!  Trusting that the beaver built with oak instead of pine, you opt to take care of the mouse first and then the laughing bunny.  And then that fox will get what it deserves:  a shotgun to the face.

Defend the Dam Mechanic

Beavers with tank treads? Dam.

Some advice:

Play the daily challenges.  This game is super fun when you’re trying to get the highest score possible.  Your score is determined by the number of coins remaining at the end of a successful battle.  You get coins by killing enemies and by starting the next waves early.  You lose coins by building turrets.  If you want to rank in the top ten, you’re really going to have to take advantage of the tread mechanic since you’ll be skimping on turrets to save on coins.  This makes for a very exciting battle because you’ll likely be leaving a lane exposed, hoping your dam can outlast the punishment it’s receiving as it buys you time to rotate your guns over.

Defend the Dam Enemies

Wolves with laser swords?!  Why are you reading this?  Go download this right now!

Other goodies:

Take a little time to read the descriptions of the weapons.  There’s a section that distinguishes them by the sounds they make, and it’s hilarious.

Defend the Dam Boss

Looks like this guy hasn’t been sharing his porridge…

Try it out:

Defend the Dam (by Dragon Army) is available for free on iOS, and it’s well worth your time.

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Filed under Good Games Buried Deep, Other Apps

Your App, Drowned in a Sea of Apps

Your App Lost in a Sea of Trash

[Original “King of the Trash Hill” (via)]

Yes, that is your app. Yes, way, way in the back. No, you wish it was that one sticking out on top. Yours is stuck somewhere a mile deep, next to the carcasses of flippy, flappy, fluppy, floppy birds (Yuck…) and buried under Kate Upton’s breasts (Mmmmmm…) and a FORTY MILLION DOLLAR ad campaign (Um… what?).

It’s not an uplifting picture, but it’s the reality you face when releasing an app. And it’s something you need to be aware of from the very start of app development, particularly if your goal is to make any money. Just how exactly are you going to stand out in that ever-growing mound of apps?

The answer is:

You need to be best friends with a supermodel and have 40 million dollars to burn. But if you have supermodel friends and 40 million dollars to burn, why are you making apps? Seriously, go be Batman.

So, uh, what about those of us without those kinds of resources?

The answer is:

It’s already too late. In the time it’s taken you to read this post, another truckload of apps has already been dumped into the App Store. Even if you’ve poured your heart and soul into making your app sparkle, it will never be noticed by anyone. It has already died.

This is because you have an even bigger problem:

– No one knows you exist.
– No one cares you exist.

If people don’t know you, they’re not searching for you. If they’re not searching for you, then it really doesn’t matter how good your app is or how much time you’ve spent making it the best it can possibly be. It will never be found.

So how do you get people to notice you? How do you get people searching for you? How do you get your app included on some “Best App Ever” or “Top Apps of All-Time” list? Just what is needed for your app to rise from the depths of the trash heap, plant its flag at the peak, and boldly declare, “I am the King of All Apps”?

Super Sevens King of All Apps

Super Sevens, the “King of All Apps” – See how it sparkles?

Beats me. I can’t help you there. No, really, I have no idea. All I can do is share with you my failings so that you can save time and effort by not doing the things I did since clearly none of have them worked.

Consider this an introduction to: How to Develop an App for Free (Because You’re Not Going to Make Any Money Anyway).

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Filed under Develop an App for Free, Game Development